Last week, Wired explored the phenomenon of convention harassment, and how–particularly in the absence of clearly articulated and enforced guidelines–harassment can become pervasive. Sometimes, these unfortunate incidents are the result of misunderstandings about convention etiquette. The social phenomena of large groups can make it more difficult know what the right ways to behave are in situations like conventions that are dramatically different from our homes and workplaces, or to step in when something happens that doesn’t seem right.
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But social science isn’t destiny. So what are the boundaries, and how can attendees make sure that they don’t cross important lines of respect with friends, strangers, and even professionals? Here are six tips to help you avoid crossing the line, and six ways to support your friends if they’re being harassed.
1. Ask permission, not forgiveness–and keep your eyes up: Want to take a picture of a cosplayer? Ask, and ask politely, rather than snapping the picture covertly (these are some great suggestions on good and bad times and ways to approach cosplayers, and what you can and can’t ask for). If they say no, then accept that the answer is no–don’t try to sneak the shot in anyway. Under no circumstances should you take a picture that focuses on a single part of a cosplayer’s–or anyone else’s–body, rather than the whole person. And if you’re posing for a picture, getting something signed, or asking a question at a panel, keep your eyes on the camera, or the face of the person you’re talking to.
2. And think before you ask: There’s nothing wrong with asking challenging questions at a convention, if they’re about content. Asking a cosplayer or artist for a hug, kiss or date, or asking about their bodies as an excuse to leer at them–as happened to artist Mandy Caruso when she was dressed as the Black Cat during an interview–is something different. Those questions are all about you, not about the work that an artist put into their comics or a cosplayer put into their cosplay costume uk. If you want to compliment someone, stick to their creativity and skills, not their looks, no matter how attractive you might find them. After all, it’s insulting for someone who’s put an enormous amount of effort into a costume or a book to have that hard work ignored. And if you find someone less than attractive? Keep it to yourself.
3. Respect everyone else’s space: Harris O’Malley, who runs the geek dating site Paging Dr. Nerdlove, notes that conventions are prone to a couple of levels of space invasion. First, there’s the convention floor, where he advises against lingering around booths. “I’ve seen lots of dudes think that if they hung around long enough chatting awkwardly, the cute comic artist [or] writer of their dreams will accept their love [or] proposition,” he says. Pro tip? That’s a way to make yourself look like a pest, rather than a romantic prospect. If you’re taking a picture with a cosplayer, O’Malley says letting them set the pose, rather than moving in close and using a photo opportunity as a chance to touch the person. This can both produce a better picture, since the Cosplay Wigs uk probably knows the best and more dynamic poses for the character, and help you avoid coming across as creepy.
Similarly, there’s the issue of approaching people in spaces where they can’t easily move away if they’re uncomfortable, which was at the heart of the the problem infamous incident where Skepchick founder Rebecca Watson was propositioned in an elevator at the World Atheist Convention. It may be tempting to make a move when you’ve got the opportunity, but consider whether you’re in a situation where the person would feel uncomfortable saying no. If that’s the case, be a gentleman, and pass. This is also part of basic party etiquette, which includes not backing people up against a wall, or into corners. “An easy way to avoid this is to stand next to someone and facing the same direction as them, instead of across from them,” O’Malley suggests. “It’s less intimidating and feels far less predatory.”
4. Be considerate about other people’s time: Three Parts Dead and Two Serpents Rise novelist Max Gladstone says that, as someone who grew up not knowing many other nerds, “I have a perpetual sense of astonishment whenever I run into women who have opinions about Roger Zelazny or the end of Evangelion.” But he points out that when you’re talking to someone who shares your interests, or to an artist you admire, an easy way to come across poorly is to monopolize their time, especially if they seem like they aren’t interested in the conversation. As much as it’s exciting to meet fellow geeks and your nerd idols, remember that you don’t have a right to anyone else’s time and attention, much less a set amount of it. Knowing when your moment is up and exiting gracefully won’t just make you come across better to the people around you. It’ll help you preserve good memories, untainted by awkward endings.
5. Pay attention to the signals other people are sending you: To be fair, it can be hard to know when to bow out of a conversation, especially with someone you don’t know. O’Malley says to follow their eyes and look for sentence length. “If the person you’re talking to is responding enthusiastically, then everything’s great,” he says. “But if you’re getting shorter and more terse answers, doing more talking than listening and they’re either looking around the room or checking their phone or watch, they’re looking for a socially acceptable excuse to leave.”
6. Watch your drinking: It’s easy to feel like a convention that takes you far from home and lets you to hang out with friends or colleagues you only see once in a while is a great place to kick back and have few drinks. But while having one drink to loosen up around people you don’t know may be a pleasant social lubricant, zipping past your limits is a great way to alienate new friends who are just getting to know you (or know you in person) and destroy the positive impression you wanted to create of yourself as a fun person (or promising professional). Especially when you don’t know everyone you’re hanging out with well, alcohol makes it easy to crash through people’s boundaries, O’Malley warns: “A few drinks in and suddenly that line you think is hilarious and harmless is actually really offensive or creepy to everyone else.”
Of course, sexual harassment at conventions doesn’t just affect women (and men) who experience it. If you’re a guy, seeing a woman you care about as a friend, partner, or colleague get harassed, or hearing about it later, can be incredibly upsetting. But here are six great ways to be an ally to the women who you’ll be hanging out with in San Diego, stopping harassment before it happens, disrupting it when it’s underway, and reporting it afterwards, so Comic-Con can be a fun and safe experience for everyone involved.
SOURCE:http://www.wired.com/underwire
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